Five Signs It May be Time to Break Up with Your Doctor

By Care For You •

Five Signs It May be Time to Break Up with Your Doctor

Tips for the Alzheimer’s Caregiver

A recent article by Melanie Haiken, Caring.com Senior Editor, www.caring.com/blogs/, addresses the subject: What to do when the doctor isn’t listening to you or the person you’re caring for, not carrying out your wishes when it comes to treatment and medication choices, or recommending drugs or treatments that seem inappropriate for much older patients. Here are a few examples.

• Sarah says her mom’s doctor tries to make her feel guilty when she asks to remove a medication from her mom’s regimen or refuses a procedure. Her mom, who is 90, is in late-stage Alzheimer’s, so she decided not to give Aricept and to refuse a colonoscopy, but had to fight those battles with the doctor who disagreed.
• Eileen feels it’s important to honor her mom’s decision not to take Aricept for her advancing Alzheimer’s, and told a story of her mom being admitted to the ER for a sprained ankle, then falling off the bed while having X-rays and shattering her heel and arm.
• Joseph says it is important to find a doctor with geriatric experience, and you may need to change doctors if the relationship is not working. If you do not know any doctors in your area with geriatric experience, you might try asking someone at a local senior center or assisted living facility; they usually have experience working with local doctors with expertise in aging.
• Jan reminds everyone to get an irrevocable POA for medical decisions and make sure you or someone else attends all medical appointments to advocate for the elderly patient.

Sometimes the problem does not lie within your control; what is wrong is that the doctor is not listening to you or not taking your loved one’s age or situation into account when making treatment decisions. In many cases, it is like a bad relationship; communication has broken down and you and your family member are not getting what you need.

Here are five signs it may be time to “break up” with your doctor:

  1. You feel the doctor blames, ignores, or criticizes you or the person in your care
  2. The doctor doesn’t respond to your feedback, or becomes defensive or unpleasant
  3. It seems the doctor isn’t taking your family member’s pain or other symptoms seriously enough
  4. You find out about treatments that can help that the doctor hasn’t told you about
  5. The doctor doesn’t explain treatment options clearly, resulting in mistakes

If you have had a truly unpleasant exchange with your doctor, it is your prerogative to find a new doctor and ask the staff to fax over the request for records.

You will breathe a sigh of relief once you are dealing with a doctor who listens respectfully, answers your questions, accommodates your requests, takes your family member’s symptoms seriously, and works with you to develop a treatment plan you can all feel good about.

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Comments(0) Alzheimers Care, FAQ, Home Caregiver, Senior Helpers, Senior Home Care

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